I'm not going to preach another time about how the devil is attempting to destroy the souls of our children when they are young, through the perverse sexual abuse, to prevent them from growing into strong Christian faithful. I've spoken on that several times in these blogs, and there really isn't much more to be said, because the victims know the terrible price they pay as adults for being raped as children, and the perverted sexual molesters have a certain arrogance and confidence as they have watched family members support them and expel the victim with hatred. So, two people know the truth for sure, and probably alot more if you count up the other victims that are abused when the abuser gets away with it the first few encounters. And God surely, most certainly, knows the truth. The abused's second family also knows, as adulthood is reached, and the ghosts of past continually haunt the souls; and somebody else knows and that somebody is who I want to talk about today.
I want to speak to the ashamed mothers who know in their hearts that their daughters or sons were molested by husbands or fathers or brothers, or pastors or priests, or friends.
I understand the pathetic hatred that men instinctively respond to as they gather family members together to attack the abused, and push them out of the family. See, men have this gut fear (almost everyone of them) that has come out of a real experience. The girlfriend has led on too far, and when the man has responded with the same vigor, has often been at the brunt of being accused wrongly. If not the man, then someone he knows, or somebody he knows that knows somebody. So men don't count. They react with a gut, and stupidly think with parts of their body and personalize accusations like "it could have been me being blamed."
It's bull pucky. Child sexual abuse victims don't blame innocent people when they grow up. When the full realization of the impact of sexual abuse has hit them forcefully, usually when the raising of their own children creates a need to define right and wrong in their protection, the adult victim is crushed with emotion, fear, sickness, obsessiveness, compulsiveness, craziness and lingering guilt; the crippling effect of childhood sexual abuse to a grown victim that realizes the magnitude of the victimization is no less that a soldier experiencing the effects of post traumatic stress disorder. But adult victims suffer from one more condition that is almost always suffered only by children of very traumatic events in their victimized life...
They split. Now I don't want alot of experts in psychology writing me and telling me that there is no such condition, because I'm telling you there is, and I have spoken to many, many young men and women that have suffered through it. When a child is being brutally raped, or gently prodded into performing acts that they know to be nasty, it is difficult for them to deal with it. So what they do is they split themselves into two people (now I'm not talking schizophrenia or the five faces of Eve...I'm talking about a survival technique that has been used by prisoners of war); they seal a part of their soul so it can't be dirtied by the abuser. Depending on the age and maturity and amount of abuse, and the love they have for their family to cause them to keep the "secret" determines how tightly this part of them is sealed.
During their growing up time, if the abuse is continued, the children are usually resilient and able to partially function as if nothing is happening. But look out for adulthood! At some point that abused child is going to grow up, and that soul is going to be opened up (usually by someone they trust showing them real love), and when that soul touches the dirtiness placed within that body by the devil himself, the real battle begins.
It ain't perty! When the precious, protected soul of the adult meets the dirtiness of the sin placed upon them, there is a battle, and everyone that loves the adult victim is affected someway. The loving family members often hear over and over of the abuse, and watch the tears be triggered, and then the anger, and then the shame. The cycle goes over and over and over, and lives are ruined because it is a terrible burden that is almost insurmountable.
But there is hope...I have seen it. I have seen the Holy Spirit move through the abused and knit their soul s together with the stiching of a LORD God that can make it healed. I have seen victims throw their agony and pain upon the cross of Jesus and praise God in Heaven from finally being released from the most traumatic of human attacks. I have seen Him heal abused victims from all walks of life, and I have praised God that they have become some of my strongest Christian brothers and sisters because of their victory over the wiles of Satan!
But here's the sad part...Mother's are you listening to me?
Childhood sexual victims lose their families. They are attacked and demeaned as liars, whores or lunatics. They are pushed out and separated from their first families, and their siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends told lies about them. These lies are told by the family in fear that the victim will blame them publicly for the crime, and it is much easier to tighten the family into a ball of lies all blaming the victim, than to confront the devil in their midst and demand an accounting. Families are pushing the wrong person out!
Mothers of childhood sexual abuse victims...you are the only ones that can fix the family after the devil has had his way; even then, you must rely on the guiding hand of the LORD God to lead you, and be prepared to suffer greatly...it will be the hardest job you have ever done.
Your family can be fixed; but it's going to be hard. Last night, another abused victim was subjected to a hatred over the Internet, and my soul cried to God. Today, I am going to start yelling louder, and longer, and pray that some mother is brave enough to stand up and save their family, and bring their adult child back into the fold where the love once was.
So...I'm going to start with some common sense rules that might make a difference. If there are any other abuse victims out there that can add to my list, then start writing. Let's see if we can come up with some guidelines that the mothers of adult sexual abuse victims can use to fix their families and bring the victims back to their bosoms.
1. Mothers...Pray to the LORD God every time you think, or have contact with the victim.
2. Mothers...Don't ever, ever doubt that the adult victim is telling the truth; a child might lie (but probably not). A sane adult would never put themselves through this much pain to spread lies. If the adult victim says they were abused, then they were abused.
3. Mothers, you have an obligation to all of your children; if you failed in protecting them when they were young then make up for it now doubly. How quickly would the adult victims forgive your lapses in protection, if you were able to stop the hounds of horror from attacking their very souls now!
4. Mothers, forgive the adult victims of the confusions and misstatements and fears and emotions that first displayed themselves when the "secret" came out. It is the most terrifying of times, and so traumatic that the victims barely survive the initial release and joining of their soul once again to their bodies.
5. Mothers, shut the men in your life up! They don't know nothing! You know.
6. Mothers! If it was your husband or your brother or your father, it is a crushing blow to you also. You are going through many of the same traumas that your child is, and it really seems unfair that you must deal with such a terrible secret; but you are the only ones that can bring your child home! Trust me...your strength of character and spirit today, will protect you tomorrow as your victimized child comes home with a faith in God, and a spirit of deep love and respect for someone who was willing to rise above evil to protect them. It is never too late!
7. Mothers...don't expect the abused adult to sit down with you after all that has happened and discuss it; they don't trust you, they don't trust anyone that has disbelieved or attacked them in the past. They are barely holding on to themselves as it is, and it is only their faith that keeps them pushing forward.
8. Mothers...for God's sake, don't attack their faith and ridicule their hope in God to be pretentious, fake or hypocritical! For most, that is the only thing they have that keeps them sane! Going for the jugular by attacking their relationship with God might remove their irritating reminders from this life, but you will answer one day to Him! Beware!
9. Mothers...start out with the words I love you, and let the abused say I love you back, in their own time, when you have said the words enough, that the trust begins to be reestablished.
10. Pray, Pray, Pray and demand that the devil leave your house, once and for all, in the name of Jesus Christ.
Mothers...this is the hardest job you will ever have, and you may or may not be successful; but, I know this for certain. It is time for mothers and daughters to stand up against the devil and declare that he will know longer have his way with your families. Until that is done, our families will continue to need fixing, and none of us will be able to figure out how to get 'er done!
David "Bucker" Becker
I want to speak to the ashamed mothers who know in their hearts that their daughters or sons were molested by husbands or fathers or brothers, or pastors or priests, or friends.
I understand the pathetic hatred that men instinctively respond to as they gather family members together to attack the abused, and push them out of the family. See, men have this gut fear (almost everyone of them) that has come out of a real experience. The girlfriend has led on too far, and when the man has responded with the same vigor, has often been at the brunt of being accused wrongly. If not the man, then someone he knows, or somebody he knows that knows somebody. So men don't count. They react with a gut, and stupidly think with parts of their body and personalize accusations like "it could have been me being blamed."
It's bull pucky. Child sexual abuse victims don't blame innocent people when they grow up. When the full realization of the impact of sexual abuse has hit them forcefully, usually when the raising of their own children creates a need to define right and wrong in their protection, the adult victim is crushed with emotion, fear, sickness, obsessiveness, compulsiveness, craziness and lingering guilt; the crippling effect of childhood sexual abuse to a grown victim that realizes the magnitude of the victimization is no less that a soldier experiencing the effects of post traumatic stress disorder. But adult victims suffer from one more condition that is almost always suffered only by children of very traumatic events in their victimized life...
They split. Now I don't want alot of experts in psychology writing me and telling me that there is no such condition, because I'm telling you there is, and I have spoken to many, many young men and women that have suffered through it. When a child is being brutally raped, or gently prodded into performing acts that they know to be nasty, it is difficult for them to deal with it. So what they do is they split themselves into two people (now I'm not talking schizophrenia or the five faces of Eve...I'm talking about a survival technique that has been used by prisoners of war); they seal a part of their soul so it can't be dirtied by the abuser. Depending on the age and maturity and amount of abuse, and the love they have for their family to cause them to keep the "secret" determines how tightly this part of them is sealed.
During their growing up time, if the abuse is continued, the children are usually resilient and able to partially function as if nothing is happening. But look out for adulthood! At some point that abused child is going to grow up, and that soul is going to be opened up (usually by someone they trust showing them real love), and when that soul touches the dirtiness placed within that body by the devil himself, the real battle begins.
It ain't perty! When the precious, protected soul of the adult meets the dirtiness of the sin placed upon them, there is a battle, and everyone that loves the adult victim is affected someway. The loving family members often hear over and over of the abuse, and watch the tears be triggered, and then the anger, and then the shame. The cycle goes over and over and over, and lives are ruined because it is a terrible burden that is almost insurmountable.
But there is hope...I have seen it. I have seen the Holy Spirit move through the abused and knit their soul s together with the stiching of a LORD God that can make it healed. I have seen victims throw their agony and pain upon the cross of Jesus and praise God in Heaven from finally being released from the most traumatic of human attacks. I have seen Him heal abused victims from all walks of life, and I have praised God that they have become some of my strongest Christian brothers and sisters because of their victory over the wiles of Satan!
But here's the sad part...Mother's are you listening to me?
Childhood sexual victims lose their families. They are attacked and demeaned as liars, whores or lunatics. They are pushed out and separated from their first families, and their siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents and friends told lies about them. These lies are told by the family in fear that the victim will blame them publicly for the crime, and it is much easier to tighten the family into a ball of lies all blaming the victim, than to confront the devil in their midst and demand an accounting. Families are pushing the wrong person out!
Mothers of childhood sexual abuse victims...you are the only ones that can fix the family after the devil has had his way; even then, you must rely on the guiding hand of the LORD God to lead you, and be prepared to suffer greatly...it will be the hardest job you have ever done.
Your family can be fixed; but it's going to be hard. Last night, another abused victim was subjected to a hatred over the Internet, and my soul cried to God. Today, I am going to start yelling louder, and longer, and pray that some mother is brave enough to stand up and save their family, and bring their adult child back into the fold where the love once was.
So...I'm going to start with some common sense rules that might make a difference. If there are any other abuse victims out there that can add to my list, then start writing. Let's see if we can come up with some guidelines that the mothers of adult sexual abuse victims can use to fix their families and bring the victims back to their bosoms.
1. Mothers...Pray to the LORD God every time you think, or have contact with the victim.
2. Mothers...Don't ever, ever doubt that the adult victim is telling the truth; a child might lie (but probably not). A sane adult would never put themselves through this much pain to spread lies. If the adult victim says they were abused, then they were abused.
3. Mothers, you have an obligation to all of your children; if you failed in protecting them when they were young then make up for it now doubly. How quickly would the adult victims forgive your lapses in protection, if you were able to stop the hounds of horror from attacking their very souls now!
4. Mothers, forgive the adult victims of the confusions and misstatements and fears and emotions that first displayed themselves when the "secret" came out. It is the most terrifying of times, and so traumatic that the victims barely survive the initial release and joining of their soul once again to their bodies.
5. Mothers, shut the men in your life up! They don't know nothing! You know.
6. Mothers! If it was your husband or your brother or your father, it is a crushing blow to you also. You are going through many of the same traumas that your child is, and it really seems unfair that you must deal with such a terrible secret; but you are the only ones that can bring your child home! Trust me...your strength of character and spirit today, will protect you tomorrow as your victimized child comes home with a faith in God, and a spirit of deep love and respect for someone who was willing to rise above evil to protect them. It is never too late!
7. Mothers...don't expect the abused adult to sit down with you after all that has happened and discuss it; they don't trust you, they don't trust anyone that has disbelieved or attacked them in the past. They are barely holding on to themselves as it is, and it is only their faith that keeps them pushing forward.
8. Mothers...for God's sake, don't attack their faith and ridicule their hope in God to be pretentious, fake or hypocritical! For most, that is the only thing they have that keeps them sane! Going for the jugular by attacking their relationship with God might remove their irritating reminders from this life, but you will answer one day to Him! Beware!
9. Mothers...start out with the words I love you, and let the abused say I love you back, in their own time, when you have said the words enough, that the trust begins to be reestablished.
10. Pray, Pray, Pray and demand that the devil leave your house, once and for all, in the name of Jesus Christ.
Mothers...this is the hardest job you will ever have, and you may or may not be successful; but, I know this for certain. It is time for mothers and daughters to stand up against the devil and declare that he will know longer have his way with your families. Until that is done, our families will continue to need fixing, and none of us will be able to figure out how to get 'er done!
David "Bucker" Becker
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